November 29, 2009

You ask me why I'm mad, but I can't explain it to you because explaining it makes me want to cry.
I made a list of why I love you, and what I love about you, and one thing I wanted to put on there was 'Positive attitude' but I couldn't. You had a positive attitude when we met, but after we started dating, it disappeared.
I want you to be able to think positive with me, because the main reason we fight is because of your attitude. You always have this depressed attitude about everything. You are so pessimistic that it hurts sometimes.
I want to be happy. I need to be happy. But I can't be happy unless you are too. I seem happy to you sometimes, though, huh?

That's because I'm a good faker.

It's better hand-written.

March 22, 2009

Baby-
I don't know how, but I know as soon as I see you, I won't be awkward, I won't be un-attracted to you, I won't be afraid to talk to you. I'll run to you, and hug you, and kiss you and to be honest, I'll probably cry too. I won't know what to do, so everything I do will seem different to you, because I'm just trying to get used to sharing air with you. There's no way I will instantly fall out of love with you. There's no way I'll have any negative feelings toward you.
Do you remember when you told me I started loving you differently, and I said that it was just maturing?
When I see you, I'll go straight back to that love we had in the very beginning. The addiction to everything you say, everything you do. I'll be clingy and people will see us kissing constantly because I won't be able to keep my lips off of you. I can't explain how I know this, but it's there.
It's this feeling deep, deep down in my gut, that pokes me every time I think about seeing you.
I could never forget how I feel about you.
I can't wait to fall asleep next to you, with my head on your chest, listening to the steady beat of your heart, knowing you're there if I ever need you.

February 17th, 2009

I haven't written anything to you for so long, probly because it seems like you're always there when I need you, through texting, on the computer, or on the phone. I wish you could be here in person whenever I needed you, because then I could just make up reasons to need you =]
Today was rough, I know it was. I don't know why, but I felt on edge all day, and when you didn't send me a picture exactly when I wanted it, I blew up. I didn't mean to, but, I did, and I'm sorry. A couple of the reasons I was on edge; as yearbook editor, I get signed up for shit when I'm not there, such as, camera for games, extra pages, etc. So today, I found out that I got the last page, and the deadline is in a couple weeks. I have barely begun to work on all my other pages! In algebra, I keep getting behind on lessons, and I get more and more assigned everyday, and I just can't keep up. Most of the time, I forget how to do the last thing I learned when there's a new lesson, and I just can't clear enough space in my brain to keep this math stuff in there, permanently! I know its important, but for some reason, I still fight it.
Right now, I just feeling like venting; screaming, crying, smashing things, and then cuddle up with you and calm down. I want a hot bath because my muscles ache, I want warmer weather, because my toes bother me everyday. I want to be out of Hulett for good, so I don't have to put up with anymore shit from this town.
I know you have to go, so I'll end this. I love you so much. From the tip of my cold, purple toes, all the way up to the top of my head :]

February 7. 2009

Kyle-
I can't wait to finally be able to be with you. I'm so excited to almost be done with school, because it means I'm going to be able to fall asleep with you every night. You may think so, but I don't want you just for sex. It seems like it now, because I can't seem to get enough of you. It's insane how much I love you, because I've never ever loved anyone like this before. Not even close. I feel like I could tell you anything, and I'm always so surprised by how accepting you are of me, and all of my flaws. You are absolutely perfect for me. Everything about you was made for me. Every time I read something, or listen to music about love, I instantly think about you, and the rest of our lives. I just wish high school was over, so I could get away from this drama, this family, this town. All I wanna do is just be with you. I hope you know that it doesn't matter where we are, or how much money you make, I don't care about any of that. It doesn't matter at all. After what happened last night, I finally see that none of that matters. I always thought that our house, how many kids we have, their names, our cars and all that was happiness. But not anymore. I know, I'm repeating myself so much, but i can't seem to get everything out in the right way. All I know is that I love you, and you love me, and I'm glad I have that much. You're everything to me. I always want you around. I breathe for you, baby, and without you, there would be no reason to live.
I love you so much.
-Cassandra

January 28, 2009

Ky-
Erica is being such a bitch. She's seriously mimicking everything I say! Even if its not not directed at her. God, how freaking immature can you get!? At lunch, when I walked by the table she was sitting at, after Brandon, Zack and Joe texted her, and she's like, "Why don't you sit somewhere where you can fucking say things to my face, whore!? I just laughed. And all the girls, except Shasta and Lacey hate me, but the boys are like, "She's a bitch! The girls are sluts, who cares? We got your back." She's been threatening to hit me and shit, and both Zack and Brandon are like, "You could take her! And we'll help!"

January 27, 2009

I miss you and I'm sorry I said anything about Brandon. I just don't understand why you feel so threatened or something. ky, I love you, and only you. I can't imagine being with anybody else. I love you so much, and I'm sorry I hurt you pretty much everyday. I wish I could see you. It's so hard to go this long with being with you, and kissing you, and being held by you.

This morning, a couple people were talking about the english assignment and they asked what I put. I said asylums and some others and guess who happened to hear? Yes, Erica. And in english, guess what she said for her ideas? All of mine. And you know what she's writing her story about? A MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS CAUSE YOU GUESSED IT!! Oh my god I'm so fucking pissed. Did she think she could get away with it?! FUCKING BITCH!!

January 22, 2009

Hey baby-
I'm so bored and decided to write a note to you. I'm in World History and everyone else is still working on their assignments. I have spanish next hour and im not looking forward to it. Lately its just dragging my GPA down, because I never have time to do it. I'm trying to get both my maths to an A and its so hard because I'm learning two different things. Me and Erica are talking about Shasta because lately, she been being a huge bitch to us and I guess she's been getting around quite a lot...Maybe its just me, but it seems like I've changed or something. It doesn't seem bad, but Im re-evaluating pretty much everything- friends, family, the future...everything but you.. You're the only thing I'm completely sure about. I want you in my life forever. I wanna have your babies, and cook for you, and wake up to your sleepy smile and messy hair :) Anyways, now I'm in spanish and Lincoln is sitting next to me. We're learning about things in our rooms. Everyone is secretly texting, except like and me and Erica. Her dad was being a dick the other day and shut her phone off to prove he was in charge...Gay, right? My ears hurt from wearing these hoops...that's another side effect of gauging your ears. When you let your ears go back down to normal, it hurts to wear regular earrings. I'm running out of things to write to you...Oh my god! Everyone in here says "ella" ella, like pronouncing the ls like you do in english. It bothers me a ton! Well-I'll talk to you later ky ky
I love you!

Cassandra