February 17th, 2009

I haven't written anything to you for so long, probly because it seems like you're always there when I need you, through texting, on the computer, or on the phone. I wish you could be here in person whenever I needed you, because then I could just make up reasons to need you =]
Today was rough, I know it was. I don't know why, but I felt on edge all day, and when you didn't send me a picture exactly when I wanted it, I blew up. I didn't mean to, but, I did, and I'm sorry. A couple of the reasons I was on edge; as yearbook editor, I get signed up for shit when I'm not there, such as, camera for games, extra pages, etc. So today, I found out that I got the last page, and the deadline is in a couple weeks. I have barely begun to work on all my other pages! In algebra, I keep getting behind on lessons, and I get more and more assigned everyday, and I just can't keep up. Most of the time, I forget how to do the last thing I learned when there's a new lesson, and I just can't clear enough space in my brain to keep this math stuff in there, permanently! I know its important, but for some reason, I still fight it.
Right now, I just feeling like venting; screaming, crying, smashing things, and then cuddle up with you and calm down. I want a hot bath because my muscles ache, I want warmer weather, because my toes bother me everyday. I want to be out of Hulett for good, so I don't have to put up with anymore shit from this town.
I know you have to go, so I'll end this. I love you so much. From the tip of my cold, purple toes, all the way up to the top of my head :]

February 7. 2009

Kyle-
I can't wait to finally be able to be with you. I'm so excited to almost be done with school, because it means I'm going to be able to fall asleep with you every night. You may think so, but I don't want you just for sex. It seems like it now, because I can't seem to get enough of you. It's insane how much I love you, because I've never ever loved anyone like this before. Not even close. I feel like I could tell you anything, and I'm always so surprised by how accepting you are of me, and all of my flaws. You are absolutely perfect for me. Everything about you was made for me. Every time I read something, or listen to music about love, I instantly think about you, and the rest of our lives. I just wish high school was over, so I could get away from this drama, this family, this town. All I wanna do is just be with you. I hope you know that it doesn't matter where we are, or how much money you make, I don't care about any of that. It doesn't matter at all. After what happened last night, I finally see that none of that matters. I always thought that our house, how many kids we have, their names, our cars and all that was happiness. But not anymore. I know, I'm repeating myself so much, but i can't seem to get everything out in the right way. All I know is that I love you, and you love me, and I'm glad I have that much. You're everything to me. I always want you around. I breathe for you, baby, and without you, there would be no reason to live.
I love you so much.
-Cassandra